Putting off exam essays

While stalling on doing my exam work, i decided to do a bra fitting with the help of some google links.

Turns out i'm a 30C. Where do i find a bra that size?

The size makes sense. The cups for a 32B fit fine, but a 32 is too loose for me and ends up near my shoulders even if it's on the smallest hook.

And on my more frustrating days, i just want to avoid using hooks completely and just tie the back of my bra up like a knot so it can finally be tight enough.

So satisfying.

Now, i really should start working...perhaps i'll do a load of laundry first? And there are some dishes laying around...

I haven't even had a chance to romp around in the snow yet!

So pretty!

Keeping me sane:

Shut up and dance - Aerosmith

Classic.

Aren't I too young for this?

I have such a headache right now.

I'm trying to figure out my life right now. It's so much harder than i imagined.

So, here is what i'm trying to decide between:

Go into teaching:

• Which means i need to go to teachers college for a year.
• Getting an actual job could/would be painful.

Become a Drama therapist:

• Would have to go to Concordia for two years...don't really want to move that far from Toronto.
• Because it's an MA, i would be extremely busy and have little time for socializing. It could be a lonely two years.
• Would not be as hard to get a job in DT as it would be to get a job in teaching.
• Pay would be better
• Also, as an alternative to Concordia, I could go to England to study. Drama Therapy is exploding there. If i want to get my MA in Canada, it's Concordia.

Go into Tourism:

• Work my way into gov jobs through connections.
• Would need to get an MBA eventually.
• MBA would take two years and involve finance. Something i'm not good at.

I think before I decide on any of this, i would want to take a year off and just work. Maybe i would sublet my Toronto place if i didn't want to give it up? Going straight from undergrad into a two year MA could be deadly for my sanity.

These decisions are far too hard.

I feel like i just decided what i wanted to study in university. And now it doesn't even matter. Time to move onto the next subject to study.

Frustrating.

Musings

I really need to get my life in order.

When i'm living in guelph, it is easy to forget that i have some health problems. And then i do things that negatively effect my health. So, i need to get this dealt with.

Tonight, i'll start jogging again, or if that doesn't happen, i have to go for a long walk. Something to get me moving about. And i need to stop eating such shitty food. I don't want to buy anymore groceries for the rest of the semester, but next semester, i need to fit veggies in in a big way.

I don't think i'm going to bother trying out for the mainstage next semester. I'm doing a full load of classes with no distance ed, so i'll be busy. especially with 4 of my classes being english classes. Hopefully i can get some of my reading done over the winter break!

Also, next semester i'd like to do a gym class. Spinning perhaps? or maybe a pilates...

Dietary Preferences

Just ate pizza and was so disappointed. Since giving up dairy, it just hasn't tasted the same whenever i DO eat it. In my memory, pizza was just amazing. Now? It's bland and blah. Not something i enjoy eating. I ate one piece and I don't think i'll bother with the rest.

I'm so excited!!!!

VS fashion show on the November 30th!!!!!

AHHHHH

The wait is killing me!

They really need a ginger in the mix. Gingers can be sexy too!

Such a fatty.

For dinner, my mum and i went to penrose for fish and chips.

Soooooooo good. best in toronto.

But i ate way too much.

ugh.

doesn't help that i'm now eating my way through a box of chocolate turtles.

mmmmm

turtles.

Oh BABY fuck it.

Things I Must Eat: Greek Food

Just because.

I love this! it's so playful and fun!

Season envy

I keep finding myself thinking about summer.

Already.

There isn't even any snow on the ground, yet i'm already excited to shop for spring clothing!

I'm being crazy, right?

Maybe i'll watch a christmas movie before bed....try and get into the winter mood.

I'm really missing the summer sun! more than i normally do. i miss how defined my freckles are in the summer months.

I'll just have to force it all out of my mind. And there isn't even any good fall/winter shopping left to do. Now when i consider buying something, i just feel greedy.

By the time march rolls around, i'm going to be dying to shop. And lay in the sun. and wear barely anything outside.

If i keep telling myself i can handle a few months of jackets and layering, maybe it'll be okay.

Middle school me always wanted huge boobs.

I went out shopping today, but found i wasn't in much of a shopping mood.

I figured victorias secret would perk me up. i picked out a few bras, one specifically being the miraculous bra.

nothing miraculous about it.

I felt thoroughly disgusting wearing it.

If you ever want the look of having a very fake boob job, get the miraculous bra.

i tried my top to see if it would make a difference. i thought that the boobs might look less insane once covered by some cloth.

nope.

and with a cardigan over top of that, i just looked fat.

if all you want is some nice cleavage, get any other push up bra. this one will give you loads of cleavage, but it also gives you the most ridiculous silhouette.

I'll explain.

The bra is supposed to give you the illusion of you of being two cup sizes larger than you are. plus cleavage. Problem is, there won't be enough boob to create realistic cleavage for that cup size. So, you end up with very large cup sizes, with odd cleavage that does not go out far enough to look quite correct. the boobs are just pushed high and together.....but they don't go out far enough to look realistic from any angle but straight on.

when i left the change room and the women asked me why i didn't like it, i said "it didn't look right."

they all knew exactly what i meant.

So, i got a bra from aerie instead. it's adorable.

and I learned my lesson. watermelon breasts just aren't for everyone. the curious 13 year old inside of me can now relax.

Bitter

I'm still so angry about that class i had to drop because of a terrible midterm. I just got another midterm back in a class that is generally much harder than the class i failed.

I got an 80% on the midterm in my harder class and i consider it a more poorly written midterm.

This is just so frustrating. If i was struggling in all my third year classes then i would understand the bad grade. But the bad grade is the only bad grade. And i think that midterm was well written!

I just don't understand how i was given that horrible grade.

I don't know why, but i can't let it go.

Even though i've dropped the class, i may still email my old professor. I was an explanation. A real one.

Gutted

Part of me really wants to take next semester off and just work. I just feel so defeated at the moment and don't know what to do with myself. What's the point of putting the work in if i'm just going to be disregarded? I feel less than worthless.

I'll be back for next semester though. I need to get through it all.

The rest of my semester has been ruined. Probably my vacation because these are the feelings that really linger in me. Once i'm down, i have a hard time getting back up again. I have some masochistic tendencies that come out when i'm feeling particularly low, and then when i ignore them i feel guilty.

I hope that the winter semester will perk me up. And if not, then i'll have to deal with this.

Perhaps i'll go for a jog later tonight. I have a bit of a cold but maybe the exercise will help me.

Until then, i'll listen to some donovan and do some reading.

Happiness runs.